Anyway, I want to begin with an illustration. To actively participate in my illustration I need you to imagine you are a man (unless you already are, in fact, a man). Now you are not just any man, but you are the best man in the wedding of your closest friend. Imagine the two of you guys grew up together and you are as tight as can be—this guy is as close to you as a brother! You know how excited he is to be getting married, so you’re more than willing to join him on this epic day. Imagine you’re standing by him onstage, waiting for his bride to come down the aisle, and suddenly the music starts and the doors swing open! Here comes the bride! She is everything your best friend could have ever hoped for, and he is so delighted by her! As she’s walking down the aisle you lean back to the other groomsmen and mutter, “Hey, do you guys remember how obnoxious she was back in middle school? She’s always been kind of annoying. I don’t know why he really likes her. I mean, she’s got the weirdest character traits. She talks too much, she’s sort of arrogant and self-righteous, too. She’s not even that attractive! If I were him, I definitely wouldn’t be marrying her…”
And suddenly your best friend turns around and stares at you in anger—can you imagine what he is feeling as you make those remarks? You just insulted his bride—the woman he will share the rest of his life with. You just slandered the one he loves on the most important day of their lives. Can you imagine the anger? The frustration? How dare you insult his beloved!...
Okay, illustration over. I know it’s sort of extreme and unlikely, but I’ve been thinking about the fact that God is madly in love with His people. With this in mind, what does He feel each time we hurt someone He loves with our words or actions? I think probably like the groom in the illustration… We, as Christians, are the Bride of Christ. That’s a biblical concept that I’ve discussed in previous blog entries (specifically No. 4 --- Desire). God passionately loves even those who are not believers; it is this truth that spurred Him to send Jesus to die on our behalf so that we can be with Him forever. I believe one of the most heartbreaking thoughts to God is spending eternity without someone He loves—someone he created for intimacy and eternal union with Him… God has such incredible, unfathomable love for us. For everyone. I could list verse after verse about his love for us. Jesus himself burned with passionate desire for closeness with His people (John 17:24). Scripture says God delights in us and rejoices over us with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). Out of love God sent a savior for the entire world (John 3:16-17). God LOVES UNCONDITIONALLY AND UNRELENTINGLY.
The solemn truth, however, is this: every time I hurt someone, I am hurting the Bride of Christ. Each time I slander, each time I gossip, each time I rudely criticize someone, each time I insult someone, each time I don’t serve out of love, each time I hold people to unreasonable expectations, each time I am selfish, each time I lose patience and become angry, each callous thought toward someone… each time I do these things I am hurting the people God is passionately in love with. I don’t know if the weight of this truth is marking you as it has marked me, but I am floored by this somber reality.
Each time I hurt someone else, I can just see God’s heart breaking and Him saying, “Why would you do that to the one I love?!” I can imagine His sorrow… Yes, He is merciful and quick to forgive me when I make mistakes and hurt someone, but that person might bear the wounds of what I’ve done for years to come and, depending on the severity of what I do, my relationship with that person could seriously be damaged... God is always forgiving, but people are easily hurt—even the ones who don’t know when we slander them, like celebrities or government officials. Think of all the gossip we rave about regarding celebrities; think of how much we rudely criticize their lives, their bodies and their families. Just because they live in the spotlight and will never know what we say about them does not make it okay. God still loves them passionately and we have no right to slander them with our words!
Realizing that we don’t have to talk to someone to hurt them hit me a few days ago while I was driving to school. I was stopped at a stoplight and glanced in my rearview mirror to see the cars behind me. Now, I’ll be totally honest and share my mistake so that we might learn from it.
In the car behind me was a middle-aged couple. I presumed they were married and going to an appointment or something, but their demeanors led me to pass judgments when I definitely should have refrained from doing so. She was sort of hunched over rigidly close to the passenger window and was smoking. Neither was smiling, and he definitely didn’t seem excited to be driving. They overall just didn’t look happy; they were talking, but they weren’t making any eye contact. I hate to say it, but I’ll be honest and say I judged them in that moment. I thought maybe their marriage was failing or that they were angry at one another, so I felt bad for them and then drove off.
A short while later I got to class early, set my stuff down on my chair and then went to meet up with some friends before class. I opened up the door and suddenly came face to face with the woman from the car behind me. She quickly smiled at me, thanked me for opening the door and walked in. I saw why she had been in an awkward position in the car—her torso was in a brace. I immediately began mentally reeling with how wrong I had been and began to repent for passing judgment… Turns out she was a member of the IHOP community simply auditing the class. That’s when it struck me that I had probably hurt the Lord’s heart a little bit by judging His Bride… True, I didn’t say anything to her, and she will never know that I thought wrongly about her, but the Lord does! And to hurt someone that He loves so passionately… oh, Lord, please keep me from doing that ever again.
That story may not resonate with you, but writing this now makes me think of all the times I have hurt my family, my friends and my roommates... The times when I don’t follow through with commitments, or the times when I’m selfish and don’t serve them how I ought to, or the times when I nag them and when I’m not patient… To hurt them like that is awful! And who am I to do those things? I screw up so much and they give me so much grace that I can’t even believe it at times… And I believe even the tiniest moment of hurting them pains the Lord, too.
I also think of this with the way we talk about people in authority. We are so quick to criticize and make rude remarks about the people in our government, or our bosses or our church leaders… but we are so slow to pray for them. This is true even when we go to restaurants with poor service and frazzled employees—God loves even those people passionately, but usually at the first mistake we begin to complain! How about instead of criticizing them we pray for them! How about we start giving grace to people who make mistakes? The fact of the matter is that we screw up just as much, if not more. We need to quit being self-centered people who are so quick to hurt people. I’m shocked at my own propensity to criticize others in my mind! I know I’m not alone in this battle of my mind; few are willing to admit it, though, because it means we are more screwed up then we let others know! God know our thoughts. He sees our intentions. He knows we are broken and weak, but we can’t make excuses for hurting that which He loves the most.
I’m so broken, guys. I do have issues. Realizing the ways I have hurt the Bride was a hard pill to swallow at first... I can understand bits and pieces of the love of God, but if I can’t put it into practice by loving others, then I’ve got nothing. Paul himself said, “If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:1-2). So it all comes down to love. I want to love the way that God loves. And God is so gracious and merciful and never hurts. He never slanders. He is so gracious and good… I am floored by His kindness because He has shown so much to me personally. We need to start praying for others and serving them and trying to understand the love of God, because only from the truth of His unending love can we truly love others.
“A new commandment I [Jesus] give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” John 13:34
I’ve realized that whenever I am frustrated or complaining about a certain person, then that is when I need to drop whatever I am doing and pray specifically for him or her. And when I get the opportunity to do so, I need to serve or bless that person. This might come in the form of doing their chores, or buying them a coffee, or encouraging them, or even simply complimenting them… I need to stop hurting and start blessing.
“… Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Ahhh, guys, if this sounds like a rant, then I apologize. I just can’t imagine breaking God’s heart like this. I can’t imagine hurting anyone who He loves passionately enough to die for. I want to be so conformed to Him that I would love everything that He loves. I want to serve the people He is serving. I want to encourage them. I want to bless them. I want to be the hands and feet of God to them. I want to pray over them sincerely and show them the love of God…
So please forgive me if I have ever done anything to hurt you. It breaks my heart to think that I’ve hurt the Lord’s Bride with my words or actions. I am setting myself to give grace like He gives grace and to serve like He serves. I will hurt no longer. I’m setting myself to love His Bride truly. I know I’m fallible and not perfect like He is, so forgive me for the times where I’ll screw up and make mistakes. I’m yearning for the day when I can stand with my brothers and sisters in Christ and we can “walk down the aisle” (so to speak) to an eternity of intimacy and union with the Lord. And I’m excited for all of you that will be with me on that day…
Until then, blessings!
Rachel
PS—a phenomenal song about love is called “Measure of a Man” by Misty Edwards and David Brymer. I strongly encourage you to listen to it! It is stunning!
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